The way of the Chief is a unique and lonely path for all those who choose to tread it. Not only are you faced with the absolute responsibility of chiefing everybody over everything, but you are also faced with the great and ownerous task of becomming college letch #2 (the big man Bailey will suffer no competition.
Chief is perhaps the worlds heaviest cox, weighing in at a little under 11 stone this is no lightweight. We can see him here, looking his absolute best at the boat naming ceremony.
although not quite as ugly as gordon the gibbon, it has to be said, he is no oil painting, but then such is the way of the chief.
Although without any letcherous intentions towards the womens first boat Chief has had a habbit of coxing womens boats in recent times. If you want to be Chief (as we all do, you should perhaps take note of some of his 'top ten' coxing tips :
- When coxing in torpids make sure you crash into the bank on the first day, so the rest of the crews in the division row past you. This may seem a silly idea, but if you don't do this who are the lads going to bump?
- Life Jackets. Don't wear them. They slow the boat down (all that extra weight you see). Ohh fu** the rules, so what if we get disqualified, I don't want to be the one responsible for us not winning on the second day of torpids, especially after you didn't like my effort on the first day (see above).
- Eat all the pies. Stearing is a strenuous form of muscular activity. Therefore it is important that you are one of the heaviest blokes in the crew in a heavy weight eight. Alternatively you could cox women and be the heaviest in the boat.
- Learn to row. Come on .... cox isn't enough, for the man with the shortest reach in the world, there is nothing better than the bow seet in John's AbominVIIIoars (ok, so that's not exactly fair, he was moderately good).
- It has been noted by rowing crews the world over, that not only is rowing through bridges a little rough, so crews should watch their blades, but it is an ideal oportunity for a nifty little push for ten, to get you clear of the bridge and sailing home to victory. However .... the Chief has an even more cunning plan .... they will be expecting us to push under the bridges ... so lets push immediately after the bridges! Possibly the worst point in the race to put a push in ... but they won't expect it ohhh no .... we'll take all thoses other crews that row neck and neck with us in a head race right by surprise ... whoops no crews row neck and neck in a head race .... guess that was a bad idea then ....
- Use the rudder lots and lots and lots ... and whilst you are about it lean out of the boat at the same time .... go on - they love that balance. Well come on they are only the Second boat, even if I did stop treating the boat like a yacht the chances are it wouldn't be that well sat anyway ...
- It was the first day of Summers and my true love gave to me .... a hefty big fine from Chief for conceeding late.
- It was the second day of Summers and my true love gave to me .... a hefty big fine from Chief for conceeding late.
- It was the third day of Summers and my true love gave to me .... yes ... ok you guessed it .... a bloody great fine for over a hundred quid for conceeding late, hence causung a massive crash which buggered the rudder, drifting into the centre of the river and obstructing crews .... from Chief by the way.
- It was the fourth day of Summers and my true love gave to me .... a bloody great big fine from Chief who conceeded late again.
Amongst Chiefs many other achievements he is a devotee of the 'stroking your intended targets face' school of pulling. However Chief has been seen by many as a great windfall .... A certain young lady was heard to proclaim after being given the chief treatment 'This is a surprise ..... you are lovely'. Good one Chief.
I guess all that remains to be told about chief is his methods. Being head cox it is important that you know your college coxes. In fact it is important that you know your coxes very well. Know to some as Bob during their most intimate moments, Chief has been probing the extremes of 'short on short' relationships with Men's 1st Eight cox 'Rachel 5ft Gardner'.